I still believe

Last week I took the train on my way back to Taft. It was a rainy night, and while I was in the train I just suddenly murmured "Lord, bakit ganito?" then I suddenly realized that the guard was just looking at me and I think he understood what I said. I felt embarrassed, really, but then I just thought of saying that at that moment.

I am not a devout Catholic and I don't always go to Sunday masses. But despite of that I still believe that there is a God. I describe my faith as something personal that I sometimes just want to talk to God alone, instead of forcing myself to attend the mass. And honestly, I don't want to be there just because I am obliged to be there. Also I don't want to be there if I have upset feelings towards Him. Although I know that I have no right to be upset and all, but I know that I'm human to feel such way about things that I cannot control.

Just like a few months ago, I asked Him to do something that will make things better for us. So He did and now I'm still having a hard time to accept it. I'm not blaming Him for it because somehow that happened before, and I realized in the end that it was really for the best. I'm sure that there's something way better than this, something that is stored for me. I'm excited actually because things will fall into place, not this soon though. I know it will take time. I just have to trust Him and time.

it really kills people

One of my flaws that I really would want to correct is having great expectations from people that are really close to me. I can't explain how I tend to have that, but I guess it's because I love them so much and they love me too so I know they'd do things for me the way I do things for them.

But hey, that's not always going to happen. It's like having high standards for the perfect man. You search for him, then you've met many until you'd end up having no one because you've never found the perfect man based on your standards. You end up not being happy.

That's why now I try my best to just let things flow. Of course I still expect sometimes, but I try to lessen that since I know that I might not get what I expected. It's way better to just be surprised and not be hurt of things because of expectations. It will really save you if you don't expect, I know it will.

gut feel

Of course I make decisions for myself. I think about things that I should and should not do. But at times I feel that I just can't decide anymore, so I depend on that gut feel.

Gut feelings works for me sometimes. I sometimes get the results that I want when I decide based on my gut feelings. I really can't explain what gut feelings are, but I guess it's that feeling that you tend to think about if you should do something or not.

Though sometimes I don't get the right decisions because of that gut feeling. Well, it's okay to fail on that because no matter what you choose or which path that you'd like to take, you'd learn something from it. You just have to trust yourself in the process and you'd know in the end.

beautifully imperfect

I used to have standards that were based on what my family's view on the "right" guy for us. The standards were the usual ones, like going to the house for courtship and those other things just for us to be considered to be with the "right" person.

And so I've met guys, and I've come to realize that in life you'd sometimes break those standards because you found something in them. They aren't really the perfect guy that you ideally thought or wanted, but you saw something in them and made you love those things about them.

Well, it's not wrong to have standards in seeking that partner in life. It's just that I really think that everyone is wired to be beautifully imperfect. Nothing really is perfect, and that's reality that most people don't see.

And so I agree

I exactly know the feeling of being lost and that everything's just so wrong. I know I'm still young, and yet I've experienced the worse a few years back. It was when my parents separated and I was still in grade school. It greatly affected me and I couldn't accept that they could never get back together because it will just bring more chaos to the family.

But then of course, I grew up and become mature about things. I've come to realize that their separation was actually a good move for them, and so I've learned to respect them even if it hurt me and my sisters. I've learned to be stronger because of what happened, and I found happiness and strength from my loving friends. From there I learned that things will eventually be better even if those were the worse days.

I'm not ashamed to tell people of what happened, because it molded me to be what I am now. If I was able to go through those days, then I know now that I will eventually get through things easier. It will still be hard, but it will never be as hard as that.

Yes sir

This has been my wallpaper since the past week. Well, I decided to make it as my wallpaper to keep me motivated, at least. Because it's been extremely busy, and so I've been drinking Stresstabs and more coffee everyday.

However, it sometimes does not work for me. I mean this picture. Lame, I know. I need something more to be motivated than this. I tend to just stare at the monitor then do nothing productive. It's just crazy, but I'm trying my best to do something at least. As it says, "DO YOUR WORK. DON'T BE STUPID." I just have to always keep it in mind.

Telege leng?

I just got curious with a link that I saw in some site, so I clicked it then I was brought to the site of shirts.ph. The prints of their shirts are really hilarious and very blunt. My roommate and I couldn't stop laughing, especially with this print. They're selling printed shirts for only 299 pesos, which I guess is just the right price.

They have a shop in Greenhills, so I'd just look for them next time. I'll buy this shirt, it's so funny. Speaking of Greenhills, I miss going there to just shop for clothes. I really go there soon, once I've got some cash.